R.I.P. but no pun intended

This was going to be a double portrait of my youngest sister and myself, but it met an untimely fate. You know how when there is a little nick in a canvas and just the right pull at the wrong moment can rip it apart? Paper more or less works in the same way. It was a fairly big drawing, three by four feet. Normally, gesso-ing the back of the paper makes it more resistant to tearing, but there was ONE. SMALL. vulnerable spot on the back of the paper (top and center where the two figures are divided) that was not covered in gesso. Laziness on my part? In a rush to start drawing? A friend was helping me put it up on my wall so I could get back to work on it. He, not really knowing how to handle paper (is that possible?), put unnecessary macho force while bracing it against the wall with pressure that was southbound.

damnit

damnit

damnit

That painting never stood a chance, it split

right

down

the

middle.

Perfectly down the middle, Rebecca and I were split apart, it couldn't have been more (vomit) poetic than if it had been in some Lifetime movie. I mean, the tear didn't touch either of the figures, perfectly demolished.

When something like that happens, you think you'll let out a cry or react, I couldn't. Like, when you get some really bad injury, the kind that makes you have to go to the ER, right between the moment it happens and when the pain kicks in there's this split second of "That didn't just happen". All I could do was just stand there silently dumbfounded.

The source materials are still around, this painting is long gone, I had no desire to save it. kidding myself like that would have just added insult to injury. This painting is going to happen again, damnit!

ugh, damnit

Lithography is for the Suicidal. I blame Death Metal. And Tim Harney.

First state, the second and third states are too blown out, too much acid eating the stone, I have to stop cooking those slabs of limestone. It's a vicious cycle of burning, eating, then rising them from the dead. Counter etch is my friend.

This is the stone of the second state of the self-portrait lithograph. The photo is backwards, accident, but perfect since that's how the print would be facing anyway. I kind of got onto this Nathan Oliveria kick. Less Nuance and less 'noise'. It's not the final state, but I like it enough to put it through the press once I have the paper.

This is the first state of a lithograph self-portrait. I printed it on just newsprint because I would never waste paper on this state. It's nuanced and noisy and an overall bad drawing. I burned the hell out of this stone so it's like a chemical abortion excuse for a print. Give me a minute.

drawings and works in progress

Tiny. This one is approx. 6 inches by 9. I think I'm done with this one, working so small drives me insane.
This one is about mmmm....ten inches high and maybe twenty inches wide. Charcoal on paper, I'm thinking about making it pastel. Dead relatives are the best relatives.

3ft high, four feet wide. pastel painting, there is some oil, double portrait of youngest sister and myself.

last time we spoke

"Why do my knuckles hurt so bad?"

"How long have you been digging around that thing?"

"Shit, I can't remember...it's been here, then moved, hated, mistrusted, and at least half a dozen other colors."

"Cadmium red light is, like, your favorite color or something?"

"My favorite color is one that is supposed to be where it is, but yeah, cadmium red light is a great color...when it becomes so. I have no idea what I am doing, man."

"You're bleeding,"

"No, no, no, that's just the cadmium red."

"Then why is it getting all goopy on the paper and running down your fingers?"

"Shit."

By the way

new(er) collages

These may be what collages are not supposed to be, but too bad, world.

Most of the paper that I used for these were either scraps of old lithographs, wallpaper that Tim didn't want, and the black paper came from leftover oil paint that I brushed over dirty rag that wasn't up to par for printing.